randomly snarky

Long time no see.

Shout out to the jackass spammers for the 915 mostly-junk comments I just flipped through. MovableType loves throwing the good stuff in with the bad, so I have to sift through them all.

HBO just did a coming-up-next promo via my DVR for Never Been Kissed (yes, I recorded this) and said it stars Drew Barrymore and Luke Wilson. But Luke Wilson isn't in the movie.

My wireless network didn't work tonight (well, this morning) and it took me 30 minutes to discover I'd turned off the radio on my laptop. I didn't know that particular button even existed, and probably has for every wire-enabled laptop I've ever owned or used. Mildly disturbing.

We did a lot of touring today, all pretty close to home. I'm crushing on Colorado.

So, hello.

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Yawn. Passing the maid's cart in the hall this morning, I noticed she was transporting a new rubber mat. Apparently the Great Disappearing Mat Adventure is nothing more than a rubber mat shortage. Boo.

Only 3 more days! Then it's more hotels as we drive across the country. But I'm okay with that. Actually, I'm GREAT with that. Can't wait!

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The bathtub mat is gone again. Also, the daily tip I leave for the maid was left behind. Is it a bribe?

This is fun. But weird.

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I’ve been here at the hotel for nearly two weeks. Already on two separate days, the little rubber tub mat has disappeared while I'm at work, and then resurfaced the next day. The mat normally sits on the side of the tub rolled-up and standing tall.

Where does the mat go when it leaves? Does it have its own agenda that doesn't always include me? Do I share my mat with occasional guests whose feet are deemed more important than mine? Does the maid take it to an overnight rubber cleaner?

Many questions. And while this is not one of the world’s most intriguing mysteries, it's certainly a curiosity.

The mat is there this evening. I’ll keep you posted.

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Are your innards feeling a little fiery today? No worries, it's just Cern flipping the switch to recreate the aftermath of the Big Bang.

Nothing major.

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My parents had a hell of a time teaching me to tie my shoes, which of course is a requirement to enter public school. Actually, it wasn't that I couldn't tie them; it's that my artistry wouldn't stay tied. My aunt Rose was the one who eventually taught me shoelace staying techniques before kindergarten.

I was a long and lanky child... my limbs and appendages grew before their time. I was looking over the top of kids' heads through the fourth grade, where they started to catch up. Truth be known, the early spurt made me appear perpetually spastic as I was full of energy but fairly uncoordinated. Hence the lace issues.

Anyway, while I don't want to buy a pair of zippered Converse clones today, they sure would have done wonders for me back in the day.

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An article about the Hula Chair came through my news feed this weekend.

Intended to help you “exercise while you work,” the chair puts the sitter though fairly rigorous spinning. The kind where typing and drinking a glass of water doesn’t work as well as its marketers imagined – check out this clip from Ellen as well as an MSNBC reporter's tests.

Imagine some of your best (and worst) colleagues at their desks or in a conference room full of these babies conducting business as usual. Fan-freaking-tastic!

By the way, as someone who still loves the Tilt-a-Whirl at carnivals and is a practiced office chair twirler, I’d love the ride. But doesn’t the mechanized chair spinning reduce the actual, um. exercise? And I use that term loosely my friends.

Posted by suzie at 10:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

... should you wave back?

Seriously. And for those of you who asked, no, I'm not actually used to this because I'm from Florida. It was much cooler back home this weekend.

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I received this urgent weather alert first thing this morning:

EXCESSIVE HEAT WATCH IN EFFECT FROM SATURDAY MORNING THROUGH MONDAY AFTERNOON

I picked a bad week to give up air conditioning. The AC in my car is acting up. Over the hills and through the pea soup of humidity, it's off to the Ford dealer I go!

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I snapped this driving down Hwy 15 in Jefferson, NJ a couple of weeks ago.

Imagine the end of that namestorming session: "For chrissakes, Tony, we only serve fish and booze!"

And so it went...

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"I did nothing. I did absolutely nothing, and it was everything that I thought it could be." I salute you Peter Gibbons!

I stupidly left Office Space off my list of rewatchable movies. I caught half on Sunday afternoon as I blissfully did my own form of nothing, including designing a blog for a friend, getting my hair done, and eating a delicious grilled cheese on oatmeal bread.

True nothingness is not easy to achieve. 

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Rather than spout obscenities, I surfed for a little creative venting.

The image to the left is "asshole" in sign language. Now you can one-up the bird-flippers. You're welcome.

The great Internet swear word project: Choose your favorites. (Most you'll recognize from junior high).

Wear it on your sleeve: Foul-Mouthed Shirts. Blah. T-Shirt Hell is funnier - it's where all the bad shirts go. Heh.

Piggish Latin: Ancient vulgarities just didn't pack a punch.

Google nets 750K results for "creative cursing" - have fun. I'm so friggen over this. For tonight, anyway.

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Just in case it wasn't obvious, the bottle of Opi top coat I bought last week included instructions. Plus, the pamphlet was in three different languages to bring nail painting to the masses. Brilliant.

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Left Coasters wouldn't blink over a magnitude 1.8 quake, but our little shaker was all over the DC news tonight.

If the quake was felt out in the grasslands of Dulles, I missed it. Or I felt the rumble, assumed it was a plane, and it didn't register. Either way I wasn't a part of the story.

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I sent a coworker a Hipster Card today. Not this one. Hipster's collection is a mix of cute, subtle and lowbrow attempts at humor. On a quick browse I found a  healthy collection of retro-themed cards perfectly tailored for the people I know. Yes, many of my friends are odd. And your point is?

(Please pardon Hipster's French.)

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This is directly outside the gate I use to enter the office... ouch!

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Remember my complaint about the new Diet Coke caps? Okay, maybe YOU don't remember, but I sure do.

So I took pictures... the good cap Florida still offers vs. VA...

Seriously - how are we supposed to deal with the shorties?

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This was posted at work with good intentions. Aimed at foodies, but clearly not written by one.

Please, keep ground beef in your fridge or freezer until you're ready to cook. Otherwise, your "experiment" will be less about spices and more about killing vermin in your pantry.

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Great quote in last week's EW magazine: "Patience is for the weak." Amen.

Context? Who needs context?

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I found Charm City via Lefsetz. Browse through, the designs are amazing, no matter how good/bad the cakes actually taste.

Hard to pick a favorite but the Exorcist cake really jumps out, green vomit and all.

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Spending $40 to gas-up is much easier in Ashburn, VA, since Sunoco installed televisions at each pump.

Private little tellies with a variety of programming - not just advertising.

WTF? I was curious to see if their Web site mentions any of this (it doesn't) but their stated mission is, "to be the best and most convenient place to shop, and work." Now they want us to play there too, apparently.

But how is it convenient to work at a Sunoco station?

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Sometimes the little stuff pisses you off but you're not really sure why you're grumpy. Not so this weekend.

Let's start with the stolen hour. The Uniform Time Act of '66 allows for local exemptions and I'm not changing my clocks.

Coca-Cola reduced the size of the diet coke bottle caps. Grip-be-gone.

We paid over $1K last week to take care of a squirrel problem in the attic. The job was finished Friday. The squirrels returned on Saturday. (But the call to the company? Not yet returned.)

Comcast gave me the wrong code sheet to synch the new HDTV with the cable box, helping me lose another three hours this weekend.

Turning on the main master bathroom lights flips a breaker. Could be related to the squirrels. 

I got my first Mac computer on Friday. I dare anyone else to say, "I told you so."

Oh, well, gremlins be damned -- I enjoyed the weekend anyway. 

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I am completely sleepless in India right now. Okay, I had an hour last night - but way not enough.

And I just thought of my poor blog. Talk about kicking the habit! And I don't want to... so some U2 to make my little guy feel better...

Is it getting better?
Or do you feel the same?
Will it make it easier on you now?
You got someone to blame

Yep, that someone is me! Blame all the travel. And stuff. 

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I have nothing to say. But that's just an illusion.

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Twice in the past couple of months I've been tasked with sharing 20-30 "fun facts" about myself in a matter of minutes as a team building exercise.

It goes like this: Each person is given a sheet to move around the room sharing and capturing quick facts about  everyone. Every fact shared must be unique, so the scope of the info is relative to the size of the group.

A mixed blessing at best; hearing what people share IS fun. (Well, except for those who "share" favorite songs and movies.) But remembering interesting bits about yourself is a pain in the ass.

Here's some I've used:

* Stephen King scared me away from red meat as a teen and it pretty much stuck
* A bowling ball fell on my head when I was 17 (ouch)
* I appeared with my ex on "Unsolved Mysteries" (in a local murder reenactment)
* My given name is Lucy -- I go by the nickname of my middle name
* I was once busted for drag racing my 1971 Pontiac LeMans
* My first car was that 1971 Pontiac LeMans bought at an auction for $300
* I'm a first generation American
* I can sing "Jingle Bells" in Gaelic
* I'm ambidextrous
* I can touch my nose with my tongue
* I lettered in Volleyball, Soccer and Bowling (really) in high school
* My name is Lucy and my dad's name was Desi (see Nick at Nite)
* I had my ears triple-pierced while visiting England in the late 80s
* I can't get a pedicure because I'm too ticklish
* I was born with a broken foot - and had a cast by the time I was 3 days old
* My family nicknames are "Bootie" and "Boots" (thanks to the cast)
* I went to a 2-day Bruce Springsteen event (long story)
* I play the piano (although way out of practice, and own one too)

Hearing what others say sparks ideas -- but you're guaranteed to think of several cool things long after the event is over.

Posted by suzie at 12:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (2)

I'm surprised the D.C.-area didn't make the Top 10 Drunk cities. Or my hometown in Florida, come to think of it. Me and my friends are drinking our share. What's the matter with the rest of you?

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A refreshing approach for junk comments: "Your site was so interesting and informative I had to call a friend to tell her about it. Great work."

Yes, tell ALL your friends!

The deleted URL contained "freehostplace.com" and I'm not suspicious.

Posted by suzie at 11:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Saw this sign again on i-95 heading to Florida the old fashioned way in December. Sr. Pedro makes the trip feel longer with his countdowns, but this one makes me laugh.

When will South of the Border go PC? Blah.

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My friend called from Orlando tonight to see how I was doing. In a tasteless effort to make me laugh, she responded to my "Hello?" by singing the theme song from The Facts of Life. Nice. (Freak.)

I hope to wake up tomorrow without the damned song stuck in my head.

Oh, I'm back -- and feeling much better, thank you.

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Tuesday morning was a fucking mess.

First, I opened a can of tuna for my cat and the lid flipped fish goo and water all over me. Love getting dressed twice in the morning.

Next, after returning to the kitchen, I carried my mug into the dining room and spilled coffee all over the table and floor. Dammit.

When I finally got onto the road, traffic was running smoothly despite a light rainfall. I called home, and as I passed an intersection, saw a cop ready to turn onto the road. I was doing 55 in a 45 but had time to react and slow down. No problem.  

However, just as I passed the cop, I heard "pop!" and my passenger windshield wiper fell off. The police car was now behind me and I began to worry he'd ticket me for the bad blade (and potentially the speeding). I turned my wipers off since the rain was only misting.

I decided to excuse myself from the call to concentrate on my road issues, but the line went dead before I could say goodbye. I looked at my Blackberry and it was cycling crazily between voice dialing, my calendar, email, etc. WTF?

A minute later it began to pour. I turned my wipers back on and the lame one scraped against the glass. Squeak. Squeak.

I arrived at the office without police intervention. The day got better.

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I took my Dad to the Outback Steakhouse for his birthday. Everything was delicious and he enjoyed himself. More importantly, the coasters were fun.

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I am a QVC shopper.

I'd be happy to hold this info closer, but I bought this nifty little humidifier for the office and the point of purchase is a natural part of the discussion.

Funny, I never knew how deep inside the QVC closet I was, until someone asked if I shop online or via the cable channel.

Both he and I were relieved by the answer: I shop QVC online.

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I don't plan to always take toilet pictures when I travel. But, I couldn't resist snapping this bizarre TP placement at a rest stop in PA, shortly before the NJ border on i-80. Note the little bits of paper on the floor -- evidence of prior attempts to grab a square?

So much for never saying Stretch Armstrong again.

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Fitness celebrity John Basedow is coming to our area for a book signing this week. I wonder if there will be tricky dance moves or high-impact gyrations?

Sing along with me: "Fitness made simple!..."

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I was searching for "evil eyes" to express some tongue-in-cheek angst today via email.

I like him.

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While traveling overseas we needed a semiprivate way to bitch amongst ourselves. We were the ones running around with our visas, sometimes in places which required our own security guards, so good behavior was generally wise.

But we had complaints to voice, at least to each other. I needed a polite way to express surprise or disappointment, like a way to say get the fuck away from me while standing in touchy-feely crowded queues in subtropical temperatures.

Fantastic! spoke volumes. It works at home, too.

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Snapped this at the grocery store Saturday. I didn't buy any. The sign intimidated me.

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My favorite non-alc drink.
Far more delicious than Pellegrino.

They're owned by the same company, but the Perrier source wins.

I hope the source isn't a city sink crossed with a siphon.
Yay Aquafina!

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Top 10 gripes of summer travel:

Note the theme? But, as mom would say, we should all have such worries.

Vacation ~minus 4 days and counting. 

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Just checked my blogroll sites and discovered blog rating via SmartCookie (PG) and Six (NC-17, duh). My blog? G-rated.

I was only chastised for:
* murder (2x)
* hell (1x)

Hm. May I introduce you to my blog category, random bullshit? Also, a quick search for fun words previously used here (tsk, tsk):

* fuck
* crap
* bitch

While my matinee rating is cute, the robots clearly have issues reading Movable Type.

Posted by suzie at 12:21 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (1)

An odd purple van passed me on the way to work this morning. Here's a snap via my Treo: The top of the van is covered with plastic dinosaurs.

The photo masks the gaudiness of the plastic toys. This almost looks like a gremlin attack, which would be cool except for the purple paint and lack of a logo to indicate it's a commercial truck. Interesting cargo in the back, too.

Posted by suzie at 11:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBacks (1)

My mom is benignly whacky, brilliant, but always slightly off-kilter. She's a bit of a packrat and keeps a lot of stupid stuff, like flashlight manuals.

But she's nowhere near the big leagues: "My mom likes to buy old glass crap, and also other old crap that's not made of glass." Oh.

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